1. What is your name: Ziwei (name of a flower, Crape Myrtle)

http://plantanswers.tamu.edu/trees/crapemyrtle/bashamspartypink.html

2. A four Letter Word: Zeal

3. A boy's Name: Zac

4. A girl's Name: Zoe

5. An occupation: Zoologist

6. A color: Zaffre (wikied this, some shade of cobalt blue)

7. Something you'll wear: Zara

8. A fruit: Zucchini (wikied this, it looks like a cucumber)

9. A food: Zinger burger from KFC

10. Something found in the bathroom: ZA 2-way cake foundation

11. A place: Zurich

12. A reason for being late: Zzzzz

13. Something you'd shout: Zhu (Pig)

14. A movie title: Zorro (Mask of Zorro)

15. Something you drink: Zappel

16. A musical group: Zombies

17. An animal: Zebra

18. A street name: Zion road

19. A type of car: Zephyr (wikied this)

20. The title of a song: Zai Jian by Xiao Hu Dui (means goodbye in english)

In Year 2009, there is a list of things i'd like to start doing:

1) Sleep regularly. Sleep at 1am and wake up at 7am. But i still enjoy the quietness in the wee hours. Hee~

2) Exercise regularly and pick up swimming. Well, this depends a lot on my motivation.

3) Leave the office by 7pm everyday. Except for the week of month end reporting. Need to get a work life balance. Especially now i have only 3 months left to study for my April exam.

4) Pick up cooking, probably from mum during weekends when i go back for visiting. ;p

It'll be great if i can do these consistently for the 1st half of the year...

This post is highly correlated to the previous one. I'd attended a career development course last week (because Your Majesty had asked me to attend plus i need to fulfil some internal requirement.) No no...i didn't write the previous post just becase i attended the course. It was meant to mark the 1st July 5-year milestone in my working life and the post was awfully late.

Anyway, the whole course focuses mainly on where you are now, what you want to be and how to get there. The class was asked to do a quiz to identify our career anchors - i.e. one's particular perception/orientation towards working values and priorities. Basically, there are 8 types of career anchors:

1) Technical/Functional Competence

This kind of person likes being good at something and will work to become a guru or expert. They like to be challenged and then use their skills to meet the challenge, doing the job properly and better than almost anyone else.

2) Managerial Competence

These people want to be managers. They like problem-solving and dealing with other people. They thrive on responsibility. To be successful, they also need emotional competence.

3)Autonomy/Independence

These people have a primary need to work under their own rules and 'steam'. They avoid standards and prefer to work alone

4) Stability/Security

These people seek stability and continuity as a primary factor of their lives. They avoid risk and are generally ‘lifers’ in their job

5) Entrepreneurial creativity

These people like to invent things, be creative and most of all to run their own businesses .They differ from those who seek autonomy in that they will share the workload. They find ownership very important. They get easily bored Wealth, for them, is a sign of success.

6) Service/Dedication to a cause

Service-orientated people are driven more by how they can help other people than by using their talents. They may work in public services or in areas such as human resources.

7) Pure Challenge

People driven by challenge seek constant stimulation and difficult problems that they can tackle. Such people will change jobs when the current one gets boring, and their career can be varied.

8) Lifestyle

Those who are focused first on lifestyle look at their whole pattern of living. Rather than balance work and life, they are more likely to integrate the two. They may even take long periods of time off work in which to indulge in passions such as travelling.

After tabulating the scores of the list of questions on my values and motives, it turns out that my highest score (value) falls under Technical/Functional competence, followed by Stability/Security and Lifestyle. My lowest scores fall under the Managerial and Autonomy categories.

I'm not surprised at my own results. I know I'm definitely not one of those kind to work towards for a managerial position. I rather hold a stable job (stable job doesn't mean doing the same tasks) that can make use of my expertise and that allows me to have a work/life balance PLUS working under a good boss for the rest of my life. While i'm working for my ex-boss a few years back, I could even think of being his assistant for as long as he's in the same company as me. But well, circumstances and thinking had changed and i'm working somewhere else now. To me, it's important to work for someone who appreciates your efforts and have faith in you completing the tasks entrusted. I know i'm expected to work like a working machine and should deliver work whenever asked to do so, even in the shortest deadline one could imagine. But it'd be great to have someone who will, besides providing you the opportunities to learn, to give some words of encouragement and guidance whenever needed. I'll never forget the one time when my ex-boss encouraged me when he could sense that i'm demotivated at work. His words hit right at the spot and i felt quite touched to have someone who bother to care. But now, i know i got to stand on my own feet and work towards being a 称职的精算师. Though, sometimes i wonder where my path is heading to...and whether it'll reach the final destination.

1st July 2003, marks a milestone in my life. My first day as a working adult.

I remember that interviewers always like to ask this question, 'Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?'

Yah, back then i probably had given stupid answer like, 'I'd probably pass most of my actuarial exams?' Seriously, i had no idea at all about what will happen to me in five years time. No planning, no anticipation. I just want to get a job and earn my bread.

How was i like 5 years ago?

Fresh actuarial graduate from local university, yearning to find out what actuarial work is all about. Thought that salary is not as important as getting work experience. Wore stockings and covered shoes on my first day at work. Knocked off from work between 6 to 7.

Hated waking up at 7 on every weekday morning and simply couldn't imagine myself doing this for five days in a week for the next few decades of my life. After all, i only attended 2 to 3 days of lessons during the Uni days. Asked my senior how she manage this kind of lifestyle, and the answer she gave me was 'Well, I'd never thought of this, probably i just got used to this kinda life.'

Studied hard for my actuarial exams. Burnt my weekends to study, make notes, do past year exam questions over and over again. I want my increment and I hope to qualify within the shortest time possible.

Always looking forward to my work assignments for the day and would think whether the things i do justify the pay i getting...

Non-alcoholic drinker. Someone who would order fruit juice at Paulander. Doesnt dare to open mouth in KTV. Suffer from verbal constipation.

Enjoy taking bus rides home from work. Would spend the 1 hour reflecting what i had done for the day on the last row of the bus.

Now,

Stale actuarial graduate. Got a diploma in Actuarial techniques, still far away from being qualified. Starting to wonder if yours truly is cut off for this line. Think that salary is as important as the gaining experience. Wear high heeled slippers to work or walk barefooted in office. Trying to get some work/life balance.

Gotten used to waking up early everyday. Will automatically open eyes at 8am even on weekends. (And of course after realising it's a sat or sun, i'd turn back to zzz...). Still do not have the habit of setting alarm clock.

No longer burn weekends like i do in the past. Spend more effort in finding the motivation lost than writing pretty notes. Think that it'll probably take another x number of years for yours truly to qualify.

Look forward to clear outstanding tasks on my table or on my mind. Just do whatever comes first or anything urgent or important. Will make sure to claim OT allowance every month.

Social drinker, not 酒鬼 (Jiu gui). But sorry i do not drink with anyone, anyhow and at any place. Only enjoy drinking with people whom i enjoy their company. KTV, same thing, works on selective basis. But still suffer from verbal constipation.

Getting less tolerant to the crowd during the peak hours. Stare into blank space or sleep during the MRT ride home. Think that it's important to find a house near the workplace.

Next 5 years... 

So, where do i see myself in 5 years time? I haven't been giving any serious thoughts about this question. Or perhaps, you can say i lack the courage of exploring things beyond my comfort zone. But i know the things that i like to do and excel in and the things i don't.  The little steps i'm taking now, will definitely lead me somewhere, but where i'd be is beyond my imagination. Taking one step at a time and be patient or planning mid term goals and realising them? Which method will work for me? Hmm...let's wait another 5 years...

As some of you might have already known, my customary wedding date is near...in less than 3 months time. So i've been hearing the same question every now and then, "How's your preparations?" or "Do you need any help?" Most (or maybe all) people are shocked to hear i replied, "What preparations?" or "What is there to prepare?" or maybe i was showing too bo-chup face. I dread hearing the question but i do appreciate people who asked cuz i know they are showing concern.

Okie...my wedding is going to be a simple affair or you can say it's the standard kind of wedding that one usually attends in SG.

The groom will fetch the bride early in the morning, going through some of the sisters' tortures or tests before bringing her over to his place for tea ceremony. Groom and Bride will then return to bride's place for tea ceremony (again) and invite some relatives and friends for lunch buffet at Bride's place. The couple will then have a few hours of rest (i hope) before heading for the restaurant/hotel where they can start preparing themselves for the night. Brothers and sisters will help to set up the reception table, bring out the wedding album and guestbook as well as the screen projector to show the wedding highlights or photo-montage. Guests will arrive before and after the stated time on the invitation card. Dinner will start after most of the guests have arrived. A typical banquet will last for 3 hours. The couple will make 2 appearances (or march-in) in 2 different sets of gowns/suits, followed by the typical cake cutting session, yam seng and phototaking session. The whole event will end with the couple expressing their appreciation to their guests with handshakes. Ok...then time for bed...

Now, about wedding preparations...

Once you had booked your bridal package(that typically covers pre-wedding photoshoot, makeup, gown/suit rentals, hand bouquet and car-decor) and venue for hosting the wedding banquet, plus you had already taken the photoshoot, i'd think 50% of the preparations has already been done.

As for the banquet venue, the restaurant will do most of the stuff for you (like decoration of the venue, dummy wedding cake, champagne pouring session, free usage of screen projector plus the most impt thing, invitation cards!) The only thing i'd need to prepare is my guest list and my sitting arrangement. Oh yes, and some 20 bottles of wine for my guests.

As i had already taken my photoshoot in Taiwan 5 months ago, plus I'd gotten the album almost 2 months back, all i need now is an Actual day photographer plus videographer. The bridal package which i had signed up with this bridal shop called, Volans Couture is inclusive of an actual day PG. As for VG, i'd already booked one from Vocare media. These bookings were made in July. I visited around 4 bridal shops (Went to Divine Couture, MyBridalRoom plus a little shophouse in Bugis, as well as GoldenHorseAwards @ Marina square on a fine Saturday afternoon with my dear sisters. Then, I got introduced to Volans by a good friend of mine, who's getting married a month earlier than me. Reason for signing up the package with Volans is that the price is reasonable plus i fell in love with one of their gowns (not sure if they reserved it for me though, haha~)

Food tasting was carried out just last Sunday (that's 5 months after we made the booking, haha). 210 invitation cards will be sent for printing, once we confirm the wordings on coming Tues. Guest lists had already been prepared separately by my father and father-in-law. As for ours, i managed to put them into writing on last sunday as well. There'll be around 25-30 tables and i can confirm the attendance just 1 month before the actual day.

Got 3 brothers who agreed to lend their cars for the day. Confirmed 5 brothers and 5 sisters to help us on the actual day. 2 Emcees yet to confirm as they are in Europe for their honeymoon now and it's a last min change(Hee~). Had a mini discussion on the colour theme, ranging from blue to pink and then purple plus some xmas related colours like green and red (since our wedding is 3 days after xmas)

So, by now, i'd think i'm 60% prepared.

The remaining 40% shall be gown fitting (Groom already got his tailor suit, so no worries), trial makeup, getting the guo da li stuff and buffet caterer (which my dear mum will prepare most of it), wine-shopping and sending off invitation cards. Oh yes, and getting brother Gary to do the photo montage. Plus getting my mum her dress? Haha~

Back to my question, what's there for me to prepare after i had done and plan all above?

These are all left for me to prepare, which i think can be done in a fast, smooth and relaxing way. Why do you need to bother yourself with small stuff when things will be prepared by the experts? Haha~

A friend just asked me, "Don't you have a dream/ideal wedding?"

Of course i had. But all the dreams and excitement were already shattered long time ago when we talk about going through the customary wedding. "It'll be done in the traditional way. Dun try anything funny or go westernized." This is what i guess my mum would say. "Let's keep it a simple affair or better still...". this is what i expect the other party to say. Ok~ i'll have no say in my OWN wedding. So we'll keep it small, simple and relaxed manner, Get It Over and Done with, OK?

It's just a ceremony. What matters most is the marriage life after that. True~ I agree totally. One can hold a luxurious wedding ceremony which will become a bubble when one gets a divorce later on. So i dare not bear any more hopes or imaginations. I dare not read any more bridal magazines. I have to suppress my envious feelings when i attend other people's weddings. I dare not hope i'd be able to do the same things as other newly-weds. I wonder what i should say on the banquet apart from "Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to attend..."  I just hope the whole event is a peaceful, non-chaotic and joyous event. I think I should be glad that i'm able to hold a wedding banquet to invite some relatives and friends to share the joy of us going through this important process of our lives. 

Why am i feeling so indifferent / bochup now?

To me, it no longer matters to me right now...I just feel tired.  All enthusiam and anticipation had been dissolved by 1.5 years of confused status (officially Mrs Huang, Traditionally Ms Lee) added on by some unpleasant and insensitive discussions. And why should i be bothered when the closest ones just can't be bothered? The whole event, i start to feel, is beginning to be pointless and meaningless. I do not want to be seen as some hot pan sticking onto some cold stone base. You wanna be cool, I'll be cool too~

Just that my mum wants to see her only daughter getting married off in a way which is deemed proper, traditional and one that would gain others' recognition and blessings. "No bridal car, no ceremony, it'll be meaningless"  I'd think that she hopes that i'd feel wanted, feel belonged, feel accepted by another family in this way? I think i'm still lucky that i have my buddies who help to rekindle a bit of excitement hidden somewhere inside me...esp when we were going around looking at bridal gowns. Yeah~ I'd encourage any brides-to-be to go gown shopping with some gal friends (Without the groom) first so that you'll face little pressure to sign any package on the spot.  ;)

Who doesn't want to be a princess waiting for her prince to bring her to the castle on a white horse?

Though my name is the name of some royal princess, it doesn't mean i'll really be regarded as a princess. Face the reality and prepare to be 黄脸婆。

Last few thoughts

To any brides-to-be, it is normal if your groom is bochup with the preparations. Some reasons i can think of:

(1)Really heck care or lazy  (2)He doesn't wan to mess up your dream wedding  (3)They are going to be puppets on the actual day and have to be responsible for you for the rest of your life, so dun add any more pressure to them  (4) Totally ignorant/oblivious or not receptive to norms and traditional practices

Wedding, is a ceremony in which 2 different individuals come together to exchange their vows and rings, which are symbols of love and commitment.  To keep it low or keep it high profile, it depends how the couple perceive the importance of it. Most important thing is, quoting my mistress, "Both of you must stand on the same line..."

I'm not obsessed with losing weight. I'll just find a gown that fits me and makes me look good. So, i'll not worry that i couldnt fit into the gown. Muahaha~

I think i was a lot more excited when i was searching for a bridal studio to arrange a pre-wedding photoshoot in Taiwan than to prepare for the actual wedding now.

Marriage is like a partnership, not just sleeping partners.

P/s: I'm supposed to copy and paste my conversation with urnice into this blogpost. Sad to say, i'd accidentally close the chat window before i can Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V. Hope i'd covered most of it here. Aahaha...

我覺得

當一個人在說

別人怎樣不夠好之前

應該用大腦想一想

自己又有好到怎麼樣?

自己有資格說別人嗎?

哈哈~

當然我自己有時候

也會是這樣的人

不過 刀划在自己身上時 真的很痛

有時候和一些人相處讓我覺得

偶爾遠離一下 反省自己 比較好

要不然 久而久之 自己都變成一個樣了

I've been thinking long...

that i should revive my Piggy blog.

9 months i haven't written a single entry on Zenithmoonlight.spaces.live.

Blame it on my laziness bah

But i just lost it somehow

and now i getting it back... ;)

Do keep a lookout for my entries here and on http://zenithmoonlight.spaces.live.com/